Mary Sue Strikes Back!
by Caelestis Crepusculum
Summary: Everyone hates a Mary Sue right? They deride them, and make fun of them, and all around treat them as a joke. Well the Sues have banded together, and they are fighting back.


Mary Sue Strikes Back!

Disclaimer: I have never seen the owner of Mary Sues. I never hope to see them, but I can tell you anyhow, I'd rather see than be them.

I don't know about you but sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. People seem to think that just because someone is perfect, cough cough they have no depth. No, this is really because Men fear a strong female leader. My name is Mary Sue, and I am the leader of the Sues. They think we're stupid, pretty faces that are useless and just fall in love all the time and defeat Voldemort with our awesome powers. Whatever.

Now, I may not seem your typical Mary sue, my hair is not Shiny-Silky-Wavy-Straigh-&ct. I have short brown hair, and brown eyes. But Mary Sue I am. Some people mix up real Mary Sues with Flats. Flats are the random characters with no point. No, Mary Sues have been infiltrating society as they know it for years. That's right, do you think someone as supposedly pretty would fall head over heels for some stupid guy who never brushes his hair, of pays more attention to his 'enemy' than his girlfriend? Yea Right.

I'll have you know that Mary Sues happen to be closely related to Veela. Why else would all the guys love us so completely they would do anything for us? Ah, It seems you have realized where this is going. Good.

You see, most people seem to think one of us will defeat Voldemort so we can live happily ever after. If we had the power to defeat Voldemort, do you think we would just stop there? So now I will give you an inside look on the Mary Sue dorm before the battle takes place. If, that is, you think you can handle it.

The Sues were hanging around their purple dormitory. Since it was generally an all girl house, we didn't bother with dormitories and just had silk floor beds with tulle curtains around the common room, where all of us slept and talked and just hung out when we had to get away from our slime trail.

"So girls, Marcy Ann, and Cindy Fey have found the Ravenclaw horocrux and tricked Harry into thinking he found and destroyed it. Good Job Girls." We all clapped for the duo. "Now that means we just have to initiate the final battle. How do you think? Perhaps mixed up correspondence? Or how about a staged kidnapping? I've been having the idea to kidnap Voldemort and a few followers, keep them in the safe house, then have us kidnap one of Harry's Sues and perhaps one of Ron's too to give them the proper motivation. Then they would charge in and deal with Voldemort, press and parades follow, and we move in while the wizarding world is still celebrating." Mary Sue gave a small smile at her disciples and they all clapped enthusiastically.

Finally, Darla Kel spoke up. "What if we did them together? I mean, we kidnap Voldemort, force him to write a ransom note, (we could have written one to him from Harry) and he could swoop in heroically and save us." Several of our number sighed. Hey, just because we are plotting, heartless sues doesn't mean we don't have a romantic bone in our bodies does it?

"Good thinking Darla Kel! Now who wants to start the note from Harry?"

This was it; all our hard work had finally paid off. Voldemort had been defeated, the Sues were in place, and we were ready. I pulled out my mobile. Something Every Muggle kidnapper knows to get rid of first, but something that the Wizards would hold in contempt and let anyone keep. I pushed speed dial and at once all the Sues phones rang with the special ring that told them one thing. We're ready. As one they dropped whatever they were doing, and apparated to the ministry.

We brought out our weapons, our beauty and our highly trained magics, and stormed the ministry, taking Fudge out. 'We Are Sues, We Will Rule!' the chant was carried out through wizarding wireless, and Reporters as wee took power. I instated one of my loyal sues as minister. One of the very pretty Sues yet to be attached. Myself, I placed as the senior undersecretary, to replace that toady woman with no fashion sense. Yes, I had just placed a puppet minister, but who are you to judge, how do you know she isn't really in charege…hmm?

The wizarding world would follow us, and the witches would follow us to make sure we didn't feel the need to take away their husbands. Most people try to go on imagining they are in charge, and they are just modern, letting a bunch of upstart young ladies working for them in the ministry. After all, we are Sues; we have no purpose but to serve them.


End file.
